LOVE/HATE 2011 Playoffs Rd 1
December 1, 2011
The following article is contributed by “Goldeneyes” Team Owner – M. Bennett. Enjoy.
-Office of the Commissioner
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If you do not already do so, you should all read the Sports Guy and Matthew Berry on ESPN.com. Both guys know way too much about sports, but are also quite humorous and do a good job of spicing up picks and doing a Love/Hate column for fantasy players each week. So, in keeping with their tradition, but creating a new one specific to our playoffs, I give you my picks for the week and other random stuff thrown in. But first, a quote from my theme this week: Arrested Development…
Buster: Mom is becoming a little controlling.
Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there.
Michael: You baited the balcony?
Lucille Bluth: Prove it.
Along with my picks, I am tagging every team with a member of the Bluth family that I feel may represent them well. If you have never seen Arrested Development, I am sorry*. If you have seen the show and take offense at my comparisons, I am sorry*. *If you have no sense of humor and take this personally, I would like to think that I am sorry.
Kaiser Sose – Bye
(Obviously George Sr. – He schemes, manipulates, and regardless of where it leaves his family or friends, he is out to win….”there is always money in the banana stand.”)
If Noah doesn’t get the bye, he loses – Jackson is gone and McFadden is still a question mark – even if he returns, methinks Michael Bush will have something to say about it…aka rotating backs. Chris Johnson? Seeing CJ Spiller in a lineup is worrisome for playoff hopes. Noah’s team is Drew Brees + luck. And yes, Noah, if you can’t win this year, you really don’t deserve to.
Bestminster Aces vs. Mad Hatter
(Bestminster – Steve Holt – David shares his unfounded enthusiasm…“Steve Holt!”)
(Hatter – Michael Bluth – Even keeled and always in the mix…”Dad, we have a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.”)
Tom Brady vs. the Colts…oh man, I can’t wait to see how that turns out. All of Aces RB’s are against relatively strong defenses and Gerhart is no Peterson. Forte should run all over KC, but will Morris and Mathews show up? Hatter is deep with WR choices, but who will be hot this week? Ravens D could easily be the top scorer on Hatter’s team but I still give the edge to Hatter. Winner – Mad Hatter
And Adonis DNA vs. Spider Dawgs
(Adonis – Bob Loblaw – Just because your team name is funny, and so is how they use that name in the show…”Bob Loblaw’s law blog”)
(Spider Dawgs – Franklin Bluth – Because lets be honest, that is one of the funniest and most offensive characters on the show, and that is one thing I love about you, you are funny and offensive…”speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar”)
Yikes, picking between Palmer and Rivers at QB, which is the lesser of two evils? Rivers and the Chargers are done, and Palmer is starting to get comfy, but he is no Rodgers. RB’s on both teams are iffy and could be what separates and decides this game. DNA has the edge with WR and the 49ers D is playing St. Louis, so that is easy points…I still have to go with Spider-Dawgs…It is hard to bet against Rodgers and I think the rest of the team will squeak out enough points to get him by. Winner – Spider Dawgs
Bushwood Smails – Bye
(Annyong – Always in the background and is forgotten about until the final episodes, kinda like you until the playoffs…”Annyong!)
This is the most balanced team in the league. If this team just hits their averages during the playoffs, Teague wins. Lets hope Beanie’s knee stays healthy.
Bracket 1 – Green Wave vs. Year of the Woman!
(Green Wave – Lucille Austero, aka Lucille 2 – Just because I always see your team name and still think of Ryan Fisk, kinda like Buster with Lucille)
(YOTW – GOB Bluth – Always scheming, always working angles, and always blaming others when it doesn’t work out…”Illusions Michael…”)
Matt Ryan and Roddy White vs. a strong Houston D…not jumpin on that bandwagon. No Adrian Peterson = no win. If YOTW can score a couple more points than last week, she should easily sweep the consolation bracket. But my question is this: Will YOTW’s love affair with MJD, Calvin Johnson, and Reggie Wayne end this year? The 3 constants (not including Polamalu) on this team have never led to a playoff berth or run at the title. Granted, Noah was scared of this team and did not want to see it in the playoffs, but what happened? Oh, Gronkowski and Gore are going to go off this week. Winner – YOTW
Bracket 2 – Jumping Justin vs. Tiger Blood
(JJ – George Michael Bluth – Young, optimistic, and foolishly hopeful…”Talk you off of what, Pop-Pop?”)
(Tiger Blood – Tobias Funke – Because if there is anyone I would like to see in short jean shorts, it is you…”Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.”)
Jumping Justin is riding a 3 game streak into the playoffs and quite frankly, getting kinda lucky considering his roster. Jackson, Lynch, and Williams make or break this team. Outside of Romo vs. Arizona, I am not really excited about the matchups that Tiger Blood has except for Decker vs. the Vikings. All that being said I am pulling for Tiger Blood only because I want to see a rematch with Tiger Blood and YOTW (Tiger Blood and I are apparently the worst of the snakes that YOTW has to play.) Winner – Tiger Blood
Bracket 3 – Tungsten Chloride vs. Goldeneyes
(Chloride – the Narrator, aka Ron Howard – Because he has an important role in the show, but is behind the scenes…kinda like you were important this year for everyone to get a win, but still showed up)
(Goldeneyes – Buster – Limited by injury and mother issues, but strong enough to survive severe panic attacks…aka a loss to YOTW. “Hey uncle, father Oscar”)
Well, what can I say about us at the bottom of the pile. INJURIES SUCK! If Manning doesn’t go down then Garcon is valuable. Peyton Hillis just fell off of the map (Madden Curse). On the bright side, you got Cam Newton. That’s all I got. If I don’t lose Jamaal Charles, Jahvid Best, Kenny Brit, Darren McFadden, and even Malcom Floyd to injury….not to mention some of the other RB’s that I rotated through and that got injured (i.e. Felix Jones, & Shonn Greene the first game I played him) maybe I have the same record as Noah, or maybe not. Unfortunately, I can not throw this game due to VIFF by-law 132-26 or I will have to sleep with a unicorn pillow-pet…as such, William gets the 1st pick in next year’s draft and I am hoping I get beat next week so that I get the second pick. Winner – Goldeneyes
For the record: I literally threw up in my mouth a little when I read your secret desire is to see me in short jean shorts. I immediately had to shower after I read that. Also, for all this hoopin and hollerin about how great Krystals team is, I must point out that her division rival, who finished dead last, defeated her and her dream team………… TWICE.
As for Noah and his Heaven sent roster, let me say it plain and simple: Noah is an *censored* power *censored* who *censored* on the weak…. the very weak that he hand selected to *censored* this league of fierce competition. There I said it. Now i am off to change me team name…………
-Matt Fisk-
You totally showered in your jean shorts, didn’t you? It’s ok, I still accept you. Hoopin and hollerin? I didn’t feel like I did that, but she did put up big points. Oh wait, I did that a couple times too… And yes, my fellow snake, you took it to TYOW.
As for Noah, he didn’t get a heaven sent roster…Green Wave and Spider Dawgs did. Umm, your brothers left awesome teams for the next guys to pick up. I do take a bit of offense that you call me the weak of this league. I thought my trade was fair and I still think that I can recover…
Either way, as long as you beat YOTW, I am fine.
I need to clarify something. I am not a snake but that fish that hangs on other fish. I think they are called suckers. Yes, that describes me.
I gave Krystal an Elite RB for a lame QB that has produced nothing all year. Then, I gave Jonathan a quality RB for a lame WR that has also done nothing. By they way they are on the same team. The Bills. Then to complete my boneheaded giveaways, I gave Campbell, Reggie Bush, because it seems I didn’t give him enough quality players last year.
If I hadn’t done all these stupid trades I would have a great team with a chance to compete with Noah. Instead, I am headed to finish close but no cigar for the third year.
Yes Krystal, we do have some snakes. I aspire to join these snakes one day. But right now I just a sucker fish. Andy
Matt Fisk, according to VIFF by-law 1-1, no defamation of character aimed at the League Commissioner will be tolerated. In cases of transgression of said statute, immediate censorship shall be imposed. Consider yourself censored.